the A in LGBTQIA does not mean allies
the A in LGBTQIA does not mean allies
the A in LGBTQIA does not mean allies
the A in LGBTQIA does not mean allies
- the A in LGBTQIA does not mean allies
- the A in LGBTQIA does not mean allies
stop erasing asexuals
I’ve written a book about asexuality and I’m looking to pursue traditional publication for it. (This means not publishing it myself, getting a publisher to buy it/market it, and using mainstream channels to get it into the bookstores.) I think having a mainstream nonfiction book about asexuality in the lifestyles section for people to find when they search for it will help contribute to the message that asexuality is legitimate and real—both for asexual people themselves to find and for more traditional/more old-fashioned loved ones of asexual people (most notably but not limited to parents of asexual people).
I would like to have some test readers. Nonfiction books are often bought based on the premise/outline/proposal, after which the content is submitted and tweaked with input from the publisher, but I would like to have a solid working draft in case anyone wants to see it. I have already received interest from a publisher and an agent, but I think I need to pursue more options and I want to feel confident that the message is clear and that all audiences can understand it.
If you would like to be a test audience member, I will send you sections of the book chapter by chapter and you can keep offering feedback as long as you are interested (or until you read it all!). It’s relatively short (about 40,000 words) and I intend it to be a somewhat comprehensive *introduction*—not a huge amount of beyond 101 stuff, but at least enough to hint that it’s out there.
Potential test audience members can e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will discuss this with you privately, or send me an ask if you have a question. (Please don’t just reblog and volunteer in the comments—I’d like to negotiate and discuss privately off Tumblr if possible.) I will not be posting the content of the book anywhere on the Internet, but I will share updates on my progress.
I am looking for test audience members who are asexual AND audience members anywhere on the ace spectrum AND non-asexual people, because this IS for all audiences. I need comments on the content, comments on *missing* content (i.e., if I didn’t cover something and you think I should, tell me), and comments on the writing itself (I shouldn’t need much help with grammar/spelling/punctuation, though; I’m an editor).
Thanks in advance to those who volunteer. If you do not want to but know someone who might, feel free to tell them or spread this request around.
“You’re not asexual, you just can’t get anybody.” “Oh, you aren’t really asexual it’s just because you’re fat - lose some weight and you’ll be normal again.”
By SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE FACT-CHECKING
PUBLISHED: 17:43 EST, 8 September 2012
Caption: Asexuals enjoy baking, but they don’t believe in heart-shaped cookies, and thus smash them in hate-filled rage.
Roughly 1% of the world’s population is ‘asexual,’ according to experts. This means that 70 million people feel no sexual attraction to other human beings, which basically means they hate everybody.
“I don’t hate everybody,” says some asexual somewhere (age 23). ”I actually like a lot of people. I’m just not sexually attracted to them.”
As the above quote demonstrates, asexuals suffer from a dearth of human emotions. Asexuals don’t feel the need to form bonds with other people, and enjoy living alone in cardboard boxes in the woods. A large percentage of them (74.3%, according to a study conducted in the UK) enjoy playing sad songs on slightly out-of-tune ukuleles.
“Asexuality is caused by alien waves from space,” says Anthony Bogaert, who is in Canada and also a professor. At least, he probably said something like that; the Daily Mail included that quote and we couldn’t be bothered to fact-check.
Experts say that ‘asexuals’ are only now ‘coming out’ so they can recruit young, untainted minds to their cause. Their ultimate goal is to give everyone diabetes from non-heart-shaped cookies, so that people stop having sex.
“There are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality in the media,” says illegally hot David Jay, the founder of AVEN, who is so attractive it makes us sad that he is asexual. He said other stuff too, but we were too busy ogling him to pay attention.
(As opposed to “no more oppressed, in different ways, than hypersexual people or people perceived to be hypersexual for whatever reason,” which I think is a fair argument.)
Let’s see: I TA’d a college-level Human Sexuality class in 2007 in which asexuality was not MENTIONED, let alone covered, a significant form of erasure mirroring numerous other erasures outside of academia.
…Which has been suggested as a major reason that bisexual people suffer higher degrees of depression and substance abuse than people who identify as gay or lesbian, in case you’re one of those people who think that erasure is not oppression. Another potential cause is general exclusion from straight and gay communities, which, oh look.
alierakieron mentioned the threat of corrective rape.
For aromantic people (as well as single people generally, but affecting people who don’t ever even want to marry more broadly), the ways in which marriage is used to assign rights and privileges in the United States is unfair and oppressive.
Family and social pressure to “meet the right person.”
Douchebags like Dan Savage saying that they “inflict themselves” on others, mirroring the sentiments of close others with less of a soapbox but probably more of an immediate effect on their lives.
As previously mentioned, asexual people are likely to be identified by others as queer and treated accordingly (perhaps particularly in secondary school settings?), and it doesn’t actually matter to their tormentors if they are “queer likes the same sex” or “queer we assume they do.” Sexuality and gender are entangled in our culture—I’m not a huge fan of Rich overall, but “compulsory heterosexuality” (or as Pascoe later described it in high school boys, “compulsive heterosexuality”) is a useful concept. Failure to perform, as well as “deviant performance,” is punished.
These are a few things that occur to me off the top of my head, as someone who is not asexual. So I’m sure there are plenty more.
Jesus wept. Not that I’m surprised, as a bisexual woman, that there are a lot of people who identify as queer who are deeply invested in keeping a lot of other people out. I’ve just been successfully avoiding them for awhile, I guess.
These days I don’t usually reblog things that discuss whether aspects of the collective experiences of asexual people can be called “oppression,” but this post does a good job of pointing out what problems many asexual people do have in common, and I felt like being contrary after I saw it being mocked with impunity. There are important things here whether or not they can be called oppression.
Ugh thank you it’s so nice to have an ally say these things for once. One item the OP didn’t mention is the fact that aces who are bi/pan/homoromantic (etc) are more often than not perceived as bisexual/pansexual/gay, etc. If a homophobe sees two guys holding hands, he’s not going to know or care if they’re asexual. I myself have been harassed in my workplace multiple times for being perceived as a girl who likes girls (I say ‘perceived’ because I’m genderqueer).
It’s not the same as specifically being harassed for being asexual but I am being harassed for my romantic identity, so pretending like asexuals cannot be oppressed at all ever for their identity is wrong. Yes it is a byproduct of homophobia/misogyny and not ace-specific oppression but it still happens to us.
I want to know how to say asexual in ASL. Does anyone have any clue?
I know the basic LGBTQ terms but not that one and I’m a bit nervous to ask my teacher.
I just wanted to make it known, and I’ll tell you why.
I am a DFAB (designated female at birth) gray-asexual genderqueer person. On Tumblr and other blogs, I’d say most feminists support me and want me in the movement. But all I’ve gotten for two years is lip service and honestly I’m fed up.
I don’t deny that feminists are allies. I don’t deny that feminists are fighting the good fight and are doing important work. I’m not trying to tell anyone not to be a feminist since literally all of my friends are feminists, just explaining that for my own mental health I can’t stay in a movement that continually erases my existence.
Discussions of feminism usually leave me feeling angry, upset, and erased, and I’m just done with those feelings. I’ve long since stopped going to the feminism club and feminist events on my campus. Last year I participated in The Vagina Monologues; this year I won’t even be watching.
I don’t really want to rain on anyone’s parade, but when will we all stop worshipping the ground Eve Ensler walks on and acknowledge how cissexist and ciscentric the Monologues are? Think about it. Only people who identify as women can participate and are represented, except plenty of people have vaginas and aren’t women. And plenty of women don’t have vaginas so writing a Monologue only about trans* women who’ve had bottom surgery is kind of fucked up. If it were The Women Monologues I could understand (except the bottom surgery part), except that the Monologues don’t represent any women who are asexual or nonsexual either. You can have a sex positive show while still acknowledging that there are some women who don’t give two fucks about sex. Some people don’t care for their vaginas either which is okay, but I guess that defeats the point of The Vagina Monologues, which is why I just avoid the show in general now.
I digress, but at the same time, this is really the problem I have with feminism. A lot of what I wrote above can be applied to the movement at large. So let me just say something:
I am done with feminism because I am done with issues that affect me being labeled as ‘women’s issues’.
I am done with feminism because I am done with issues that affect me as an asexual or genderqueer person not being talked about.
I am done with people assuming that by identifying as genderqueer, I have some kind of immunity against rape culture, street harassment, negative body image, discrimination in the workplace, etc - for being perceived as female, NOT for being perceived as queer.
I am done with people even telling me outright that I benefit from male privilege because I’m genderqueer, even though I pass as female 99% of the time.
I am done with feeling ashamed and confused by mixed messages from my mind telling me I should just get over my gender dysphoria and embrace my body like feminists want me to.
I am done with feeling like I can’t talk about my (a)sexuality in a feminist context because I’m not actually a woman, even though I identify with women and female bodies.
But I’m done with seeing pictures of vaginas telling me to embrace my sexuality. And I’m done with being told to have lots of sex. I’m done with SEX being the face of feminism. I’m done with never being represented, ever. I’m done with never seeing my issues on feminist blogs. I’m done with not feeling important.
Most of all, I am so, so, so done
with people calling my health
a women’s issue.
Not everyone with a vagina is a woman, and I am so tired of saying that because I really thought everyone knew that by now. And not everyone with a vagina needs to be sexually empowered, or even wants their vagina, so when you post a picture of a vagina labeled “PUSSY POWER” or whatever, remember you’re talking to trans* people too. And that for some asexual people, they could give less of a fuck what was in their own pants. And whenever you post about something you think is a “women’s issue,” stop and ask yourself if it really is. The fact is, it probably isn’t.
There is no “common denominator” for women. Get used to that fact. There will never be a single factor under which women can unite except for the fact that they are oppressed, but some have more privilege than others, and some people don’t identify as women but patriarchy doesn’t give a fuck and treats them the same as if they were women. There is no universal women experience.
At any rate *steps off soap box*. This wasn’t really supposed to be a huge rant but here it is anyway. The bottom line is I’m just really done with being angry over every feminist thing that pops up on my dash, and since I don’t have the energy for this anymore, I’m taking an indefinite break from feminism.
(And if anyone replies to this saying “but feminism is for everyone” I will assume you either haven’t read the post or just want an ally cookie and will not dignify you with a response.)
As it currently stands, many asexual people often describe the sex-positive movement as unsafe for them. This is a problem that needs to be addressed by the community. One strategy to help change this is to talk more about asexual people’s concerns, and more generally about things that affect low-sexual-desire people. Obviously, many people feel unwelcome in a movement that rarely addresses their issues and where the people often don’t even know basic information about asexuality like vocabulary, definitions or common issues. This would also serve to make a lot of the anti-asexual and sex-normative attitudes in the community visible. For example, when discussions of asexuality occur in public places, concern trolling about the health of asexual people often abounds — up to and including outright denial of asexuality — as does demonization of asexual people in romantic relationships. I imagine that individual sex-positive people who want to root these out just don’t know where to find them, whereas for an asexual person it can be like stumbling through a minefield.
A lovely interview about Sherlock wherein Steven Moffat says that asexuality is ‘boring’, that Sherlock is definitively not gay, and that Sherlock wouldn’t be living with a man if men were interesting.
Look, I get that I have a lot of followers who are defenders of his, and I’m not saying that he’s consciously an asshole, but he’s shown a complete disregard for the opinions of others and refuses to step up when he’s called on issues he may be perpetuating. It’s like the man has no brain-to-mouth filter. I tweeted him and said that if he researched asexuality he would find it anything but boring, told him that he had likely hurt the feelings of many fans, and linked him to a glossary of the different facets of asexuality.
As for the ‘if men were interesting’ bit and completely disregarding the other bits about Sherlock’s sexuality because I honestly don’t know what to say - why would he be living with John if he wasn’t interesting? Does the man actually grasp the character he’s writing? I thought that his being interesting to Sherlock was why John was his roommate in the first place. Sherlock would never entertain the idea of having someone who was boring or ordinary in his home.
Moffat is incredible. I’m sitting here slackjawed at his ability to outdo himself in the competition for “worst possible person”.
I’ve discussed my issues with his manhandling of Sherlock’s asexuality and now I see why he’s so terrible at it. Because the more he insists that Sherlock is NOT GAY, NO STOP THINKING THAT, and NO HE LIKES LADIES HE JUST DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT, the more pointedly I will interpret Sherlock as a homoromantic/biromantic asexual who’s only interest in Irene Adler was intellectual, and as a challenge— not a narrative that treats his attraction to her like he’s a 12 year old boy who’s seen his first pretty girl and can’t cope with it.
And I’m laughing at him thinking there’s nothing in Doyle’s canon to suggest that Sherlock is gay— there’s a difference between ‘there’s nothing there’ and ‘I didn’t bother considering that literary treatment of queers was much more subtle and linguistically coded than I could imagine and there are no men kissing so he’s obviously not gay’.
And at his defense of the Irene storyline by comparing it to ACD’s—
”In the original, Irene Adler’s victory over Sherlock Holmes was to move house and run away with her husband. That’s not a feminist victory.”
So acting in defiance of the male protagonist for the sake of personal agency?Actually marrying a man who she wanted to marry, one who we see through the context of her experiences and not his? Outwitting and out-disguising Sherlock Holmes and making no apologies for it? No oops sorry she got married that’s reducing women to the role of wives!! That’s sexist!! But….
“I was called a misogynist because I was reducing women to mothers. ‘Reducing women to mothers’ – now there is possibly the most anti-women statement I’ve heard.”
Yeah, you go, Moffat. You know, impregnating a female character, putting her through a pregnancy she barely remembers, diminishing her bodily autonomy by using her uterus as a vehicle for the plot and as an incubator for another female character who is then defined by her relationship with the male protagonist, subsequently erasing her agency and independence within the storyline.
You’re the real feminist here.
It physically pains me to think that this show is stuck with such a close-minded, self-aggrandized writer who has no intention on doing what, by all means, he should be doing with this text, because this is 2012 and yes, you may have taken away Sherlock’s Victorian dressings but you’re doing nothing new by portraying him as a confused, repressed heterosexual whose cerebralistic tendencies make him hopeless with the ladies. So stop patting yourself on the back and admit that (despite the fact that you’ve been given an audience who would, in part, enthusiastically welcome a queer relationship, asexual or no) you’re too caught up in your 1st Grade interpretations of Sherlock’s character and your badly justified heterosexism to remove Sherlock from the metaphorical closet he’s existed in in basically every interpretation of these books.
So yes Moffat you’re hilarious now please give this show to someone more capable than you? Perhaps someone who won’t balk at the idea of an asexual protagonist who is in a non-normative relationship with another man and then disguise his obvious heterosexism behind intellectual excuse making. Someone who won’t get his undies in a twist when people rightfully call him out on his disgusting sexist, homophobic writing tendencies.
Because this is becoming personal.
EVERYONE READ THIS, THIS PERSON IS MUCH MORE ARTICULATE THAN I AM.
Asexuals are not a one-size-fits-all group, any more than the other sexual orientations. Some aces have sex, some aces get themselves off, some aces like porn, some aces like kink, some aces like to flirt just for the hell of it, some aces really like being physical with people in a nonsexual manner, etc. And likewise, some aces can’t stand the idea of having sex, some aces have no sex drive, some aces don’t like porn, some aces are put off by other people’s sexual advances, some aces don’t like to be touched, etc.