I just wanted to make it known, and I’ll tell you why.
I am a DFAB (designated female at birth) gray-asexual genderqueer person. On Tumblr and other blogs, I’d say most feminists support me and want me in the movement. But all I’ve gotten for two years is lip service and honestly I’m fed up.
I don’t deny that feminists are allies. I don’t deny that feminists are fighting the good fight and are doing important work. I’m not trying to tell anyone not to be a feminist since literally all of my friends are feminists, just explaining that for my own mental health I can’t stay in a movement that continually erases my existence.
Discussions of feminism usually leave me feeling angry, upset, and erased, and I’m just done with those feelings. I’ve long since stopped going to the feminism club and feminist events on my campus. Last year I participated in The Vagina Monologues; this year I won’t even be watching.
I don’t really want to rain on anyone’s parade, but when will we all stop worshipping the ground Eve Ensler walks on and acknowledge how cissexist and ciscentric the Monologues are? Think about it. Only people who identify as women can participate and are represented, except plenty of people have vaginas and aren’t women. And plenty of women don’t have vaginas so writing a Monologue only about trans* women who’ve had bottom surgery is kind of fucked up. If it were The Women Monologues I could understand (except the bottom surgery part), except that the Monologues don’t represent any women who are asexual or nonsexual either. You can have a sex positive show while still acknowledging that there are some women who don’t give two fucks about sex. Some people don’t care for their vaginas either which is okay, but I guess that defeats the point of The Vagina Monologues, which is why I just avoid the show in general now.
I digress, but at the same time, this is really the problem I have with feminism. A lot of what I wrote above can be applied to the movement at large. So let me just say something:
I am done with feminism because I am done with issues that affect me being labeled as ‘women’s issues’.
I am done with feminism because I am done with issues that affect me as an asexual or genderqueer person not being talked about.
I am done with people assuming that by identifying as genderqueer, I have some kind of immunity against rape culture, street harassment, negative body image, discrimination in the workplace, etc - for being perceived as female, NOT for being perceived as queer.
I am done with people even telling me outright that I benefit from male privilege because I’m genderqueer, even though I pass as female 99% of the time.
I am done with feeling ashamed and confused by mixed messages from my mind telling me I should just get over my gender dysphoria and embrace my body like feminists want me to.
I am done with feeling like I can’t talk about my (a)sexuality in a feminist context because I’m not actually a woman, even though I identify with women and female bodies.
But I’m done with seeing pictures of vaginas telling me to embrace my sexuality. And I’m done with being told to have lots of sex. I’m done with SEX being the face of feminism. I’m done with never being represented, ever. I’m done with never seeing my issues on feminist blogs. I’m done with not feeling important.
Most of all, I am so, so, so done
with people calling my health
a women’s issue.
Not everyone with a vagina is a woman, and I am so tired of saying that because I really thought everyone knew that by now. And not everyone with a vagina needs to be sexually empowered, or even wants their vagina, so when you post a picture of a vagina labeled “PUSSY POWER” or whatever, remember you’re talking to trans* people too. And that for some asexual people, they could give less of a fuck what was in their own pants. And whenever you post about something you think is a “women’s issue,” stop and ask yourself if it really is. The fact is, it probably isn’t.
There is no “common denominator” for women. Get used to that fact. There will never be a single factor under which women can unite except for the fact that they are oppressed, but some have more privilege than others, and some people don’t identify as women but patriarchy doesn’t give a fuck and treats them the same as if they were women. There is no universal women experience.
At any rate *steps off soap box*. This wasn’t really supposed to be a huge rant but here it is anyway. The bottom line is I’m just really done with being angry over every feminist thing that pops up on my dash, and since I don’t have the energy for this anymore, I’m taking an indefinite break from feminism.
(And if anyone replies to this saying “but feminism is for everyone” I will assume you either haven’t read the post or just want an ally cookie and will not dignify you with a response.)